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Justin Bieber Canadian BaconJustin, why the &%$# have you got Canadian bacon on yer 'ead?!?.


When I logged into EBay this morning I wasn't prepared for what awaited me: A painting of Justin Bieber with a pile of $#@%&*^ bacon on his head! And a giant smokestack in the distance behind him. All very disturbing, I'm sure you'll agree. Best get yer bids in now though, 'cuz there's only ten of these babies available, and like the Disney Joy Division controversy earlier this year, they'll soon be snapped up. And the saddest part is, they will, too.

I'm not sure which is the more horrific; the fact that someone is selling these abominations on EBay or the fact someone actually took the trouble to paint it in the first place. As you can probably tell, I'm not exactly a fan of the Bieb, though I'd probably take him over Rosie O' Donnell to be stranded on a desert island with. In fact, I could probably fall in love with him under those circumstances. But don't quote me on that, wharrabout them Red Sox, huh, etc, etc.

Anyway, enough of that kinda talk. Let's now transfer our attention to that eerie glowing smokestack behind the lad. I'm no expert, but I'd say that's symbolic of the Canadian nickel smelting industry, namely the huge complex in Sudbury, Ontario. There's a smokestack there that emits more crap into the atmosphere than all the rest combined, as well as a giant monument called "Big Nickel" that was built by a demented fireman. So, to take a step back, to appreciate the gestaltism in this Bieber painting, I'd say the "artist" (for want of a better word) is making a statement about Canada's contribution to humanity. Y'see, you have Bieber there, the man of the moment. Then there's the Canadian bacon on his head. Again what the $#^& someone would paint Justin Bieber with Canadian bacon on his head and then sell it on EBay for I'm not sure, but I'm trying to move past that. Mainly by buying one of the paintings for myself. It will be delivered to my door in five days. But back to the gestalt. It's pretty obvious to me that this horror of horrors is intended to embarrass the great nation of Canada by inferring it has only made three decent contributions to society - and two of them are totally toxic. And bacon isn't good for you, either, come to think of it! When my Bieber Bacon painting arrives, I assure you I'll post a pic of it on here. Right here.

It's now a few weeks later and here's a picture of the picture in a frame on my desk, complete with a photo of the artist behind it:

But seriously...the artist is the seller here, and he really is quite a charming eccentric named Dan Lacey. Check out his page on EBay.

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