It always seems like such a shame when the whack job in the HR department strips down to her skivvies and screams "the apocalypse is nigh!" Breakdowns in the real world are always tragic. However, when the "it" girl or Hollywood heartthrob goes off the deep end, people seem to revel in the entertainment of it.
Could our obsession with the Hollywood breakdown be due to the fact that we feel just a smidgen more normal when those untouchables blow a gasket? After all, how hard could it be? Most of them are gorgeous, rich and have access to the inaccessible. Or, do we find sweet satisfaction in the downfall of glamour? Whatever the case may be, these pathetic, and clearly ungrateful, humans have earned a place on our list of Top Celebrity Nutcases of 2009 – welcome to the Loony Bin!
First off, why is this woman famous? "The Parent Trap" was subpar at best. With multiple rehab stints and a non-existent career, Lindsay, at the tender age of 23, is far past her prime. After a very public relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson, Lohan finally melts down. After a late night, Samantha arrives at her apartment to meet Lohan who is disheveled, stoned and quickly wasting into a puddle of emotion. Isn't it common knowledge that the wounded puppy tactic actually drives people away? Man up Lindsay and, um, eat a sandwich!
There are lots of popular woman who have buzzed their hair off for the sake of art- take Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3, Demi Moore in G.I. Jane and Robin Tunney in Empire Records. However, there are bat-crazy ladies like Sinead O'Connor, Britney Spears and Solange Knowles, who buzz off their locks because, well, they're bat crazy. If you have no idea who Solange is, that's probably why the sister of singer Beyonce Knowles did just that. After a failed break into the music industry, Solange, who often denies being related to her sister, nicked off her tresses in an attempt to gain attention - it worked! Sort of…
We've heard it all Ms. Chicken of the Sea and beauty alone can only get you so far. Jessica Simpson, who is no stranger to heartbreak, broke down in the middle of a 38 minute set in Grand Rapids, Michigan last February. Forgetting lyrics and crying in the middle of her performance, it appeared as though Simpson borrowed from the pages of Scott Weiland. The singer is currently struggling with the fact that her dog is now digested, her boyfriend is engaged to someone else and her figure reflects her mood – heavy. To be honest, this is the perfect time to break into country – she must have really stupid good management.
Most of us have been there - half frozen from the Novocain, cheeks stuffed to the brim with cotton, masking the pain of that chipmunk face with prescriptions (used properly, of course). Well, Mischa "I peaked during The OC" Barton took advantage of the need to use - or so she claims. After oral surgery and a period of binge-drinking the "actress" was involuntarily committed to the psyche ward of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Concerns were raised when the normally stick-thin thespian ballooned over a month's time - she blames the wisdom teeth, we blame the sauce.
What does it really mean to be an artist? Does it give you a free pass to live manically? Now we're not talking about Margot Kidder here- we're talking Tim Burton crazy – the eccentrics. What happens when an award-winning actor emulates a Robert Smith and DMX hybrid before dropping off the face of the Earth? Joaquin Phoenix happens. After starring in numerous box office hits, the movie star appeared haggard, sporting shaggy hair and a substantial beard. The final straw occurred when he appeared on the Late Show, announcing that he would transition his career toward rap…we've got nothin'.
We've been debating on whether or not we should develop some sort of soul for this poor…soul. Susan Boyle, living the dream. A common lady, at nearly 50 years of age, with a very uncommon talent earned runner-up on series 3 of Britain's Got Talent. Following the show's finale Boyle was commited to London's Priory Clinic after a mental breakdown characterized by screaming, throwing objects and, eventually, fainting. Fame isn't for everyone – but we doubt that her 15 minutes is up.
While we cannot say whether or not the 2009 VMA's incident was a nervous breakdown– it surely rivals Tiger Woods as the most talked about celebrity news of the year. In true Kanye fashion, West approached the microphone as country's sweetheart Taylor Swift was accepting the award for Best Female video. Sweaty and determined, he cut off Taylor's speech proclaiming – "I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time." After the incident, West dropped out of his tour with Lady Gaga, finally managed to issue a public and private apology and officially became the douche of the decade. Do we think the rapper will tone down his enormous ego? After his record sales plummet, he'll probably have to.
It's common knowledge that Angelina Jolie is one of the most beautiful women alive, so naturally, many women wouldn't mind looking like her – few go to the actual extent of modifying themselves to look like their favorite celebrity. Nadya Suleman, former "dancer," had extensive plastic surgery to resemble that of Angelina Jolie, (at least that's what she thinks). She also managed to give birth to octuplets to add to her brood of 6 children. Unemployed and on public assistance the aptly dubbed Octomom is at it again. Nadya Suleman talked to Matt Lauer about the possibility of having more children recently - get a job first!
Heidi Montag gained initial "fame" from starring in the reality TV show "The Hills." Starring with her husband on "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" in the Costa Rican jungle, the self-promoting Heidi Montag broke down – BIG TIME. Heidi lost her cool when has-been cast-mates gave her the cold shoulder. In a camera interview she whined about how "mean" people are, wailed about her bug bites and declared "I wish they got real celebrities like K-Fed." The reality tv star was eventually hospitalized and diagnosed with a stomach ulcer due to stress- if you can't handle to heat get out of the jungle!
It's hard to feel sorry for the fortunate. So thank your lucky stars that life isn't handed to you on a silver platter – you may end up in the loony bin just like these poor, unfortunate souls!