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How To Survive Thanksgiving

November 26, 2014
Survive Thanksgiving

For some, family gatherings (e.g. Thanksgiving dinner) can be very stressful. Dysfunctional siblings, overly conservative grandparents, and failed casserole recipes are among the few things that could go wrong tomorrow evening. However, like the potential zombie apocalypse, there are survival skills in place for even the craziest of families.

1.) Neutral Dinner Topics – Avoid talking about controversial subjects like Obama, religion, gentrification, tattoos, conspiracy theories, American Horror Story, marijuana legalization, and climate change (despite Winter Storm Cato). If someone else voices an opinion with which you strongly disagree, grimace, and quickly change the tone by asking if they need another helping of cranberry sauce, and perhaps a fresh glass of wine. Dinner should be a pleasant meal and is not the time to proclaim your carefully prepared counter-arguments.

2.) Babysitting – Children are often more entertaining than adults. If you’re trying to avoid someone, pretending to help your kid cousins is a great way to get out of an awkward conversation. “I’m stuck in this intense Pretty, Pretty Princess game, so unfortunately, I can’t discuss your untimely divorce right now,” or “I’d love to help clean up the spilled gravy, but Gina really wants me to listen to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat with her.” Your family will not second-guess your excuses if they revolve around making the kids happy.

3.) Discrete Headphones – If you know for sure that you are going to get cornered by a family member and be forced to endure their war stories, then invest in some inconspicuous headphones. You can listen to a favorite podcast or the football game instead, whilst nodding periodically to make it seem like you’re paying attention. This works especially well if you have long hair that covers your ears.

4.) Exit Plan – There will come a point in the evening when everyone is outstaying their welcome. Kids are crying. Uncles are singing karaoke. The dog needs to go out. Grandad is asleep in the recliner. And your hosts are desperately trying to clean up, entertain, put their children to bed, map out their Black Friday route, have a cocktail, and watch the NFL highlights. Know when to say when. Offer to drive someone home (within reason). Chug a glass of water if you’ve been drinking. Say quick goodbyes, leave, don't look back. If Thanksgiving is being held in your own home, package the pumpkin pie in Tupperware and kindly tell your guests that you have work in the morning (whether or not you actually do is irrelevant). Always have an excuse at the ready.

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It's been a two-horse race in TL Fantasy Football, as we get ready to give away another $100 discount code. Take It Sleazy won Week 10 easily, with 133 points. Gudy2Shoes, who has been dominant this season, finished second with 118.5.

Week 11 saw The Dynasty win for the third time, edging out Rally Monkey 106.62-105.12. Take it Sleazy still had a solid week, finishing fourth with 92.02 points. Snake Levine, meanwhile, had his best showing in Week 11, with a respectable 96.48 points, and a third-place finish. Many teams were undone by Arian Foster in Week 11, who did not play because of injury.

Take it Sleazy wasted little time getting back to the top, edging out his now-rival The Dynasty, 112.58-108.36. Not only did Sleazy grab another $25 discount code, but Sleazy also rose to the top of the standings for this period, and leads The Dynasty 337.60-329.79 -- a margin of just 7.81 points.

The current four-week period ends with Week 13, and it looks like either Sleazy or The Dynasty will take home a $100 discount code next week. Rally Monkey sits in third place with 279.48, while Gudy2Shoes has 269 in fourth place.

Make your Week 13 picks here, and you could win a $25 discount code!

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Hipsters Give Thanks

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. We know, we know -- you’re grateful for your amazing family, beautiful friends, five dogs, televangelist, and your significant other who, like, doubles as your BFF/soulmate. ADORBS <3 But some people like the finer things in life - vintage record players and Ira Glass, for example. Though hipsters get a relatively bad rep in the media, and most of them probably denounce Thanksgiving as being non-vegan, opting instead for tofurkey with a side of PBR, they are nevertheless thankful for many things as well, including:

Antique Appliances – Hipsters la-la-love obsolete technology (e.g. VCRs, 8-track tapes, boom boxes, retro can openers, etc.)
Bill Murray – From Caddyshack to Wes Anderson, you’d be a fool NOT to be thankful for this brilliant, beautiful man.
Cigarettes – Despite the increasing medical evidence of its severe bodily damage, smoking has somehow remained in style.
DSLR cameras – Everyone thinks they're a photographer these days, but I suppose there are worse things to tolerate.
Espresso – Extra (fair-trade) energy is needed to be this cool and protest outside of corporate coffee shops.
Fixed gear bikes – Public transportation is for squares. Biking next to crazy cabbies in extremely busy cities is obvi better.
Goodwill sweaters – Let's take away all the cute cheap clothes from people who need them so we look more authentic.
Home-brewed beer – A creative endeavor if you know what you're doing; one that can quickly go wrong if you don't.
Ironic Tattoos – Who doesn't want to see Ryan Gosling's face tattooed on a grown man's butt?
Jazz clubs – The term "hipster" dates back to the Beat poets, who were highly influenced by the improvisational style of jazz.
Kale smoothies – Farmers are actually struggling to keep up with the immense demand for kale now that it's become hip.
Lynchian plots – You casually reference Blue Velvet and recently named your indie band after a Twin Peaks character.
Moleskines – Reproductions of Hemingway's notebooks are the only journals in which I will sketch my obscurities.
NPR – Wait, wait...don't tell me, you'd just die without World Cafe, Terry Gross, and All Things Considered.
Organic everything – Interesting that you can afford those free range eggs and chemical-free hair-dye, but not rent.
Podcasts – I require constant intellectual stimulation so I can prove how much more culturally aware I am than you.
Quentin Tarantino – Postmodern film is the key to my heart: non-linear stories, satirical aesthetics, and neo-noir Westerns.
Rustic living – Accessories include: mason jars, tree stumps for seats, hammocks, DIY bottle-cap art, and needlepoint.
Secondhand bookshops – Reading literature that someone previously owned, scribbles and all, is like a portal to their souls.
Typewriters – Who needs a Macbook when you can carry around a 50 lb. machine? Typos are permanent -- how edgy!
Urban Outfitters – A shopping mecca for the progressive youth, UO really just celebrates overpriced "Navajo" prints.
Vinyl – Records have made a comeback. Playing them at parties is trendy; they're great dust collectors the rest of the time.
Whole Foods – Food gentrification is a thing, but you don't care as long as your food stamps cover your beloved goji berries.
Xanax – For the anxiety that accompanies existential crises and the endless waiting for your Etsy orders to arrive from China.
Yoga – Let me inconspicuously flirt with you by showing off my flexibility via Instagram photos of yoga positions I've mastered.
Zen Buddhism – You cling to a worn copy of Kerouac's The Dharma Bums, meditating and pretending to understand Zen.

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Thanksgiving Playlist

Thanksgiving is only six days away! Though American culture has decided it's time to crank out the Christmas tunes already, hold your ground for at least a few more hours by volunteering to be in charge of the music selection on Thanksgiving Day. Make both your hipster cousin and your classic rockin' uncles happy with this carefully-arranged, soulful turkey day playlist.

1.) "Gratitude" – Paul McCartney
2.) "Mama I’m Coming Home" – Ozzy Osbourne
3.) "Thank You" – Led Zeppelin
4.) "November" – Tom Waits
5.) "Autumn Sweater" – Yo La Tengo
6.) "Meat is Murder" – The Smiths
7.) "Macy’s Day Parade" – Green Day
8.) "Harvest Moon" – Neil Young
9.) "Thanksgiving Song" – The National
10.) "American Pie" – Don McLean
11.) "Orange Sky" – Alexi Murdoch
12.) "Change of Time" – Josh Ritter
13.) "Ragged Wood" – Fleet Foxes
14.) "Red Cave" – Yeasayer

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Events On Sale 11-20-14

Here's a list of the hottest events with dates going on sale this week. Our event of the week is the Chris Brown and Trey Songz "Between the Sheets" Tour. The hip-hop duo is celebrating the anniversary of their friendship with an epic concert schedule, so don't miss out -- buy Chris Brown tickets today! T-Swift is still making major waves as well with the recent announcement of her 1989 World Tour, so if you wanna get down with this loveley songbird, secure your seats soon because the Taylor Swift tour is shaping up to be one of the hottest music events of 2015. Classics like Journey, the Steve Miller Band, Bob Seger, Barry Manilow, Foreigner, James Taylor, and ZZ Top are going back at it as well, so if you want to give your parents the perfect gift this holiday season, check out our selection of classic rock tickets. If you're a Yankees fan, baseball tickets are going on sale tomorrow for some of the most competitive games of the 2015 season. For tickets to these events and more, head over to Ticket Liquidator.

Concerts

Event

Date

Cities

Alan Jackson Saturday, 11/22/14 Springfield, MA
Barry Manilow Monday, 11/24/14 Cleveland, OH; Washington, DC; Columbus, OH; Pittsburgh, PA; Mashantucket, CT; Duluth, GA; Louisville, KY; Charlotte, NC; Philadelphia, PA; Boston, MA; Omaha, NE; Kansas City, MO; Chicago, IL; Milwaukee, WI; West Valley City, UT; San Diego, CA; Los Angeles, CA; Sacramento, CA; San Jose, CA; Portland, OR
Bette Midler Monday, 11/24/14 Atlanta, GA; Auburn Hills, MI; Uncasville, CT; New York, NY; New Orleans, LA; Houston, TX; Saint Paul, MN; Denver, CO; Phoenix, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Seattle, WA; Vancouver, BC
Billy Joel Friday, 11/21/14 Miami, FL; Atlanta, GA; Dallas, TX; New York, NY
Bob Seger Friday, 11/21/14 Lafayette, LA; Las Vegas, NV; San Diego, CA
Bob Seger Saturday, 11/22/14 Sacramento, CA; San Jose, CA; Vancouver, BC
Brad Paisley Friday, 10/31/14 Southaven, MS; Pensacola, FL; Dekalb, IL; Lubbock, TX; Colorado Springs, CO; Las Cruces, NM; Anchorage, AK
Chris Brown Thursday, 11/20/14 Birmingham, AL
Chris Brown Saturday, 11/22/14 Worcester, MA; Baltimore, MD; Worcester, MA; Washington, DC
Chris Brown Monday, 11/24/14 Cincinnati, OH
Enrique & Pitbull Monday, 11/24/14 El Paso, TX
Eric Church Friday, 11/21/14 Nashville, TN; Phoenix, AZ
Florida Georgia Line Friday, 11/21/14 Kanata, ON; Dayton, OH; Kingston, ON; Uncasville, CT; Hershey, PA; Wilkes-Barre, PA; Sioux City, IA; Moline, IL
Foreigner Tuesday, 11/25/14 Waukegan, IL
Garth Brooks Friday, 11/21/14 Boston, MA
Read more...

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Nicholas Sparks or Taylor Swift?

Taylor Swift is uncharacteristically taking a respite from writing love songs; however, up until now, the "Shake It Off" singer didn't seem able to produce any material that didn't discuss her current and former relationships. During this time, author Nicholas Sparks (known for The Notebook and A Walk to Remember) also couldn't stop issuing best-selling love-dramas that became so popular they were adapted into feature films. For all you hopeless romantics out there, I challenge you to discern which of the following titles belongs to Taylor Swift and which ones belong to Nicholas Sparks. Answers are below -- no cheating!

1.) "Sparks Fly"
2.) "The Choice"
3.) "The Outside"
4.) "At First Sight"
5.) "Ours"
6.) "Love Story"
7.) "The Story of Us"
8.) "Both of Us"
9.) "A Bend in the Road"
10.) "A Place in This World"
11.) "True Believer"
12.) "The Lucky One"
13.) "The Best Day"
14.) "The Best of Me"
15.) "You Belong with Me"
16.) "The Last Song"
17.) "Our Song"
18.) "Safe & Sound"
19.) "Forever & Always"
20.) "Safe Haven"
21.) "Dear John"

Extra TV © Oct 2012

Answers:

1.) A; 2.) B.; 3.) A.; 4.) B.; 5.) A.; 6.) A.; 7.) A.; 8.) A.; 9.) B.; 10.) A.; 11.) B.; 12.) A. & B.; 13.) A.; 14.) B.; 15.) A.; 16.) B.; 17.) A.; 18.) A.; 19.) A.; 20.) B.; 21.) A. & B.

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The 8 Worst Nickelback Songs

November 18, 2014
Nickelback

We all know that Nickelback is everybody’s favorite band to hate. They were named the second worst band of the 90’s in Rolling Stone only behind Creed. They frequently get booed off stage and even had rocks thrown at them by fans in Portugal. However, some people merely hop on the Nickelback-hating bandwagon. If you want to truly know why Nickelback is one of the worst bands in existence, besides the obvious like Chad Kroeger’s whiny voice and some of the weakest instrumentation ever to be recorded, listen carefully to the following song lyrics and my subsequent commentary.

1.) “Rock Star” – Besides being considered one of the worst songs of all time, "Rock Star" was a new low even for Nickelback. While there may be a hint of irony in the song’s lyrics, I am fairly certain given their repertoire of shallow and derivative music that they truly believe being surrounded by Playboy bunnies and washed-up singers is the epitome of cool. The song not only celebrates drugs, mindless sex, and narcissism, but Nickelback even managed to throw in a ridiculous non-sequitor: “I’ll have a quesadilla on the house.” What’s more alarming than their total vacuity, disillusionment, and cookie-cutter rhymes (e.g. bars/stars) is that the lyrics contradict each other within just a few lines. Kroeger oscillates from having eight body guards and fifteen cars to not being able to eat and resorting to cheap substances. The lack of identity conveyed is apparent for the simple reason that they wrote the most general of lyrics about the false security of celebrity life, but they even go so far as to state how willing they are to give up their inherent character in an attempt to achieve this sad and soulless condition: “I’m gonna trade this life/ For fortune and fame/ I'd even cut my hair/ And change my name.” If that sentiment doesn’t deeply depress you, then perhaps you should reevaluate yourself as well.

2.) “Something in Your Mouth” – The title alone should tell you this song is a feminist’s nightmare. Nickelback wants YOU to know that “you look so much cuter with something in your mouth.” Excuse me Chad Kroeger, but you look better when you don’t open your mouth. Not only are these lyrics offensive and poorly written, but they border on misogynistic. The song plays into their overarching themes of drugs/money/hookers, which they clearly think is pure genius, but obviously the extent of Nickelback’s depth is a pink thong in a dirty strip club. The only real home for such a travesty is in another dull installment of American Pie where it will hopefully expire along with the series’ idiocy. The fact that Nickelback had the audacity to pretend this is a real piece of musical art is nothing short of revolting. They demonstrate the classic virgin/whore complex that you’d think would have died off with our grandparents’ generation, but unfortunately untalented hacks like Nickelback keep reviving the mentality that women have fought so hard to eliminate from our culture. Way to go guys, you represent everything that is wrong with society.

3.) “Figured You Out” – The opening line to this gem is: “I like your pants around your feet.” Brilliant. And it only gets worse. He speaks of said woman as his favorite “disease” and goes on to sing, “I love your lack of self-respect.” I’m beginning to wonder if Kroeger is an actual woman-hater. He loves the “white stains” on her dress as well as putting his “hands around her neck.” To even the most uneducated of listeners, one can infer that he is advocating domestic violence and the devaluation of females. Kind of concerning. Perhaps the karma police decided it was time to serve up some justice though because the Vancouver-based band Econoline sued Nickelback for copyright infringement. Lesson? If you’re going to write horrible music, it best be your own. The simplicity also has a striking resemblance to Dr. Seuss: “And I love the places that we go/ And I love the people that you know.” Perhaps children’s authors should check periodically that Nickelback isn’t plagiarizing them either.

Read more...

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Tips to Prepare for Winter

It’s November, which means winter is right around the corner, and in the majority of the Northern Hemisphere it’s already getting cold. Most of us can agree it sucks. However, in addition to counting down the days ‘til spring, here are a few things we can all do to make this horrible season a little more bearable.

1.) Layer up – The first step is acceptance. Acknowledge that it is indeed frigid outside, and break out the heavy coat. Don’t be an idiot and wear your fall jacket through December because you’re too stubborn to do something about the fact that you’re freezing your butt off. Or maybe you’re one of those people who don’t actually have a winter coat because you’re perpetually in denial that winter is a thing. Get one. Personally, I have a puffy snow coat to get out of storage soon that has served me well. However, now that I’m a grown-up, I’m planning on getting something warm that is more appropriate for wearing places other than the sledding hill. If you don’t have a winter coat, or one you like to wear, invest in a nice one. Yes, nice coats cost a lot. But you’ll get good use out of it for many years to come. And you won’t have to be in denial any longer.

2.) Wake up twenty minutes earlier – Don’t ignore the weather forecast. Whether the newscaster is predicting a blizzard or just freezing temperatures, your car will inevitably be covered in either snow or frost. Getting up about twenty minutes earlier will allow you extra time to shovel, warm the car up, make a hot cup of coffee, and scrape the ice off your windows. Snowy roads = no bueno for the morning commute, so that earlier alarm will also provide you with a more relaxing drive to work. Sure, you’ll lose a little bit of sleep, but what's twenty minutes anyway? You'll be grateful you took the time to ensure your safety and comfort at the peak of winter.

3.) Make a seasonal playlist - In December, that might consist of holiday music, but otherwise, align your song choices with the weather. Choose dark, heavy, and grungy bands like System of a Down, Metallica, or Nirvana for times when you want to embrace the freezing, gloomy grayness. You should have some bright, chipper stuff as well like Katy Perry, Ingrid Michaelson, or Matt Nathanson for when all you’re thinking is “screw winter!” and want to be reminded of better days.

4.) Cuddle - After you’ve been outside, come home and snuggle up with a blanket on the couch with a hot beverage and a good movie or book. It sounds cliché, but doesn’t it also sound fantastic? If you have a fireplace, light a fire. If you don’t, that wouldn’t be wise. Winter is a great time to catch up on things you want to watch or read, because it’s just so miserable outside that you have no desire to do anything else. Also, cuddling up close with someone or something when it’s cold just makes you feel good. Whether that’s a significant other, a close friend, a pet, or just something soft, it’s guaranteed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside (and warm fuzzies ward off the cold).

5.) Snow play - When the first big snow falls, get some friends together to hang out. While we’re on the topic of planning ahead, this will require you to have good gloves, snow pants, etc. You will also need to acquire a sled. Go buy a cheap one at Walmart or Target. Do it. Seriously, think like a kid. Snow is something to cheer about, not curse. Have a snowball fight, and trek up the nearest (safe) big hill to fly down it on a snowboard. Snow should be fun, not frustrating! It’s one of the few winter things that can possibly be construed as positive. Don’t waste the opportunity to go wild!

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6 Epic Thanksgiving Fails

November 14, 2014
Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away! Here are some of the season's funniest fails to put a little laughter in your day.

1.) Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon Dies, Hundreds of Children Emotionally Scarred

2.) Caught! American Idol Winner Scotty McCreery Starts Lip Syncing Too Late

3.) Family Burns Turkey, Nearly Sets House on Fire

4.) Another Atrocious Attempt at Music from the Producer of Rebecca Black's "Friday"

5.) Woman Terrified of POP Sound When Opening Pillsbury Biscuit Pressure Tin

6.) Staten Island Overrun by Wild Turkeys, Local Population Reacts Accordingly

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Events On Sale 11-13-14

Here's a list of the hottest events with dates going on sale this week. Our event of the week is Bette Midler. The Divine Miss M is back and better than ever on her "It's the Girls!" 2015 tour. Tickets are selling fast, so browse the Better Midler schedule to see when this showgirl will be performing in a city near you! The official on-sale for Taylor Swift tickets is tomorrow as well. Buy yours soon before all the seats to T-Swift's 1989 tour are booked! Nickelback has huge on-sales in over 60 cities this Saturday, so if you're a Chad Kroeger fan, check them out on their 2015 tour with The Pretty Reckless. For tickets to these events and more, head over to Ticket Liquidator.

Concerts

Event

Date

Cities

Alan Jackson Saturday, 11/15/14 Portland, ME
Bette Midler Monday, 11/17/14 Philadelphia, PA; Toronto, ON; Washington, DC; Chicago, IL; San Jose, CA; Los Angeles, CA; Anaheim, CA
Billy Joel Friday, 11/14/14 Orlando, FL; New York, NY
Billy Joel Friday, 11/21/14 Miami, FL; Atlanta, GA
Bob Seger Saturday, 11/15/14 Glendale, AZ; Inglewood, CA
Brad Paisley Friday, 11/14/14 Youngstown, OH
Chris Brown Friday, 11/17/14 Charlotte, NC; Greensboro, NC; Detroit, MI; Hampton, VA; Atlanta, GA; Charlotte, NC; Greensboro, NC; Sunrise, FL; Columbus, OH; Detroit, MI; Philadelphia, PA; Toronto, ON; New Orleans, LA; Dallas, TX; Toronto, ON; New Orleans, LA; Dallas, TX; Houston, TX; Nashville, TN; East Rutherford, NJ; Brooklyn, NY; East Rutherford, NJ; Rosemont, IL; Las Vegas, NV; Inglewood, CA; San Jose, CA; Baltimore, MD; Worcester, MA; Washington, DC
Dancing with the Stars Thursday, 11/13/14 Atlanta, GA
Dancing with the Stars Friday, 11/14/14 Windsor, ON
Florida Georgia Line Friday, 11/14/14 Atlantic City, NJ; Columbia, MD; Orange Beach, AL; Milwaukee, WI
Florida Georgia Line Friday, 11/21/14 Kanata, ON
Garth Brooks Friday, 11/14/14 Tulsa, OK
Garth Brooks Friday, 11/21/14 Boston, MA
Keith Urban Friday, 11/14/14 Edmonton, AB
Kenny Chesney Friday, 11/21/14 Pittsburgh, PA; Green Bay, WI; Kansas City, MO
Read more...

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