Well, it's second round time again in the Concert Madness tournament and today's matchup will prove once and for all whether Coldplay, with their "look at me!" proclamations of cocaine abuse and other quasi-rockstar claims typical of latter-day sissy boys who don't know how to party, can beat full-on bat-biting maniac Ozzy Osbourne- ooh, hang on, word's coming in on the wire that mellow musicians Coldplay have actually kicked Ozzy's butt, 300 to 281! What the heck? These nu-rockers have already ... [Read more]
OMG, George "Pretend Badboy for a Cheap Thrill" Clooney has only gone an got himself arrested in a protest outside the Sudanese embassy in Washington DC! The rugged actor (whose actual size is four foot nine and a half inches), has been extensively photographed by paparazzi morons and applauded by a large group of imbeciles who shouted various encouraging slogans at him as he was led away by half-hearted coppers. Clooneville was at the embassy to protest the plight of Sudanese children. "Stop ra... [Read more]
Today, while hiding in a stock room reading a copy of Grey's Anatomy, I got to pondering celebrity body parts. No, not like that, take your mind out of the gutter, Toastie. I mean iconic body parts, like Kirk (and Michael) Douglas's dimple, Carl Malden's famous "ass nose", Stephen Hawking's prosthetic larynx, and Shirley Temple's precious curls. I began wondering how today's celebrities would look if they had a couple of iconic celebrity body parts attached to them. After about oh, half a second... [Read more]
Clicking a link to certain bestselling Kindle titles on Amazon today, may find you confronting an error message. D'you know why? Let me tell you: Amazon, the mahoosive behemoth mothership of ecommerce, is punishing Independent Publishers Group (IPG) - the second-largest book distributor in the USA - for refusing to sign a new agreement that heavily favors Amazon over the hand that feeds it. Mark Suchomel, President of IPG, said in an email blast yesterday, "I am disappointed to report that Amazo... [Read more]
Steve Jobs, the recently deceased/besmirched tech mogul who once reputedly "declared war" on Android and said that he felt "personally betrayed" by Google, is in for another kicking. This time, Taiwanese comedian and impersonator Ah-Ken has dragged Jobs' memory through the mud in a YouTube advert for Action Electronics’ Android-based ActionPad tablet and multi-language dictionary. Ah-Ken appears in the commercial dressed in the unmistakable Jobs garb of black polo neck sweater and jeans, with ad... [Read more]
Tongues are wagging at the FA headquarters this week, as England boss Fabio Capello resigned amind the John Terry racism controversy and the subsequent stripping of his captaincy. The favourite for the job is Harry Redknapp - a man who just got off with a tax evasion charge and who by his own admission cannot write - thereby cementing England's image abroad as a boorish, lying nation who prefer drinking themselves into oblivion and battering their opponents into a bloody pulp while claiming to b... [Read more]
the biggest news of the day has to be the fact that a contestant on American Idol fell of the stage. In fact, this starting occurrence slightly edges out the news that there will be a new edition of the IPad coming out [Read more]
Johnny Cash, the magnificent Man in Black, is to have his life honored later this year when a museum dedicated to his memory will open in country capital Nashville, TN. Cash, whose life was immortalized in the 2005 movie Walk the Line, would have been 80 this month. He died aged 71 in 2003. Cash's inevitable descent into the dark world of the artist began when he was a child living in Arkansas, picking cotton and singing with his family at the tender of five. His immersion in gospel music led to... [Read more]
Have you seen those clever Direct TV commercials? The ones where a chain of events leads to miserable circumstances (such as waking up in a roadside ditch) as a result of not subscribing to Direct TV?
Well, a similar-ish chain of events led to the New York Giants killing my cat. True story.
Here's how it went down: The night of Super Bowl XLII, February 3, 2008, found me avidly caulking the baseboards of the house we'd moved into a couple of months earlier. I had a caulking gun, a rag, and a ... [Read more]