Congratulations to Real Madrid on beating Catalonia's finest on their own doorstep this weekend in the race for the La Liga title! The Spanish "Super Clasico", as it is called, came at a tense time as the European football season nears its end. Barca have been unstoppable in all competitions for a long time now, but maybe, just maybe, Jose Mourinho and his merry men will take the championship this year. Madrid are seven points clear with three games remaining, and Lionel Messi disappeared down t... [Read more]
1. "Dude, We Shrunk a Zoo!"
Winkie and Nudger (Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan) are a couple of deadbeat students who are unexpectedly left millions after their lonely spinster landlady, Mrs. Slagmont, passes away. When they finally sober up they realize they can't find their car, and they've bought a zoo! After about fifteen minutes they realize that animals stink - literally - and they rue the day they bought what Nudger refers to as "a giant pooh factory". Using Wilson's physics know-how, the... [Read more]
OK, I'm not gonna lie to you. Actually, I am, but not about that. About what, you may well ask. Errr, can't remember. Jesus, I'm feelin' wasted today. It's tough at the top, kids, remember that. We of the In-Crowd get to see things you little people don't, know what ah mean? This week, for example, I had the pleasure of viewing a full-blown Coachella Festival pass package thingy, 'cos it starts TODAY - Friday the Thirteenth! It was pretty sweet (this isn't the lie, by the way), kinda like an ove... [Read more]
You’re at a concert crammed between a sweaty dude in cutoffs whose ripe armpits just happen to perfectly line up with the flares of your nostrils, a couple who are basically using your back as a bed and a group of kids sporting some seriously dilated pupils trying to talk, or rather screech, their friend down from a really bad trip. You’ve been standing for hours, your shins screaming and your toes wiggling, desperately gripping on to the last few oxygenated blood cells hanging on ... [Read more]
Today, while hiding in a stock room reading a copy of Grey's Anatomy, I got to pondering celebrity body parts. No, not like that, take your mind out of the gutter, Toastie. I mean iconic body parts, like Kirk (and Michael) Douglas's dimple, Carl Malden's famous "ass nose", Stephen Hawking's prosthetic larynx, and Shirley Temple's precious curls. I began wondering how today's celebrities would look if they had a couple of iconic celebrity body parts attached to them. After about oh, half a second... [Read more]
Well Fing Fang Foom, one of the most lovable little vocalists of one of the most loveable little bands of all time died this week and the whole world wept. Davy Jones of 60s bubblegum pop band The Monkees, passed away of a heart attack, having complained of chest pains the previous night at his home in Florida. Expect an avalanche of "Last Train to Clarksville" and "Daydream Bereaver" tweets today, as well as #DavyJonesRIP; Jones really was idolized by music fans, despite The Monkees originally ... [Read more]
Steve Jobs, the recently deceased/besmirched tech mogul who once reputedly "declared war" on Android and said that he felt "personally betrayed" by Google, is in for another kicking. This time, Taiwanese comedian and impersonator Ah-Ken has dragged Jobs' memory through the mud in a YouTube advert for Action Electronics’ Android-based ActionPad tablet and multi-language dictionary. Ah-Ken appears in the commercial dressed in the unmistakable Jobs garb of black polo neck sweater and jeans, with ad... [Read more]
Tongues are wagging at the FA headquarters this week, as England boss Fabio Capello resigned amind the John Terry racism controversy and the subsequent stripping of his captaincy. The favourite for the job is Harry Redknapp - a man who just got off with a tax evasion charge and who by his own admission cannot write - thereby cementing England's image abroad as a boorish, lying nation who prefer drinking themselves into oblivion and battering their opponents into a bloody pulp while claiming to b... [Read more]
I was recently passing judgement on people more successful and attractive than myself (as you do) when the conversation (with myself; I have no friends) turned to Rap bands and "plastic" rappers. Plastic rappers being rappers who either:
i) Talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
ii) Walk the walk but don't talk the talk.
iii) Suck. Period.
I came up with quite a list of lame-ohs, some of which you'll know, some you may not (but will be secretly listening to on YouTube for years to com... [Read more]