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The Live Toast Oscar Recap

As you may or may not have heard, the Oscars took place last night. I'll admit I didn't know they were airing until the bartender turned the volume up on the TV. So if I had gone home like I should have, I might be waking up needing a quick and dirty recap of the movies that were nominated.

So if you're like me and haven't seen any of the movies this year, this post's for you. Read on and then head to the water cooler assured you know enough to talk about last night's Academy Awards. For the record these recaps might not be 100 percent accurate. Again, I haven't seen any of the movies. Nevertheless, as I pretty much live on the internet, I think I have a pretty good idea about what they are about.

American Hustle - From what I can tell there's a lot of action and fast talking and the guy from The Hangover dresses in fancy suits. It also has Batman in it, who in my estimation doesn't make bad movies. Apparently they and other motley characters either hustle each other or other people. Either way, probably the movie on this list I'd most like to see.

Wolf of Wall Street - From Martin Scorsese comes the trueish story about a bunch of wall street "sharks" who made millions selling fake stocks to suckers. Kind of like today. Except Jordan Belfort is in jail.

Captain Phillips - The man who can do no wrong, Tom Hanks, plays the captain of a ocean liner that is taken over by Somali pirates. Another one based on actual events. This one looks good but spoiler alert, Navy Seals shoot the pirates from a ways away.

Nebraska - A film about a youngish man who takes his old dad to Nebraska so he can collect an imaginary million dollars he thinks he won, but is actually some sort of scam. From the previews the old man is quite cranky, something I love to see on the screen. It's also in black and white, I'm not sure if that was a technical decision by the director or if the state of Nebraska is still in black and white.

Philomena - The first movie I've heard absolutely nothing about. Apparently an Irish woman's very Catholic community forced her to give away her son who was born out of wedlock. Years later, she tries to find him. Apparently it's based on a real life investigation by a BBC correspondent. Probably worth watching.

Dallas Buyers Club - Again, I didn't have a clue about what a "Dallas Buyers Club" was until last night, when I discovered it was a movie. Apparently Matthew McConaughey gets Aids and then sells his prescriptions. I've been a fan of McConaughey since he uttered one of my favorite lines of all time

So I'm cool with pretty much anything he does. If it involves selling drugs, then so be it.

12 Years a Slave - One of our previous writers, who fancied himself a bit of a film buff, really liked this movie but said it was so hard to watch that he won't ever see it again. A brutally honest film about a brutal time in our history. By the way, on the nominee page, Brad Pitt is the first credited star.

Gravity - Sandra Bullock and George Clooney get lost in space, where gravity is totally different. We can assume she floats around and stuff. Since I haven't seen it, you can read the aforementioned Adrian's preview of it here.

Her - The timeless tale of a nerd who falls in love with his IPhone. Every few years we get to hear about this phenomenon occurring on a mass basis, but it's good that the guy who directed some awesome Fat Boy Slim music videos finally made a movie about it.

In case you haven't seen it, I'll bet you dollars to donuts you'll enjoy these three minutes and 52 seconds more than any of the above films.

So now that the Oscars are done, you're probably going to need something new to talk about at the office. You know what makes you seem very cool is a going to a live show. Did you know Bruce Springsteen is touring? That Book of Mormon really looks good! There's also baseball coming up. You really should stop watching movies and get out of the house more. So buy some tickets already!

Ok fine, don't buy tickets, but at least share this post! Look, I copied the code from the top of our pages to the bottom so you can share without scrolling!

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