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The Weekly Toast 12/9/11

December 9, 2011

THIS WEEK:

LiLo’s race to nowhere…Tom Cruise feels the need for speed…Yoko's war on Christmas…

• The film gods are at it again. Eddie Murphy has been tapped to play DC’s former Scarface-like mayor Marion Barry in an upcoming Spike Lee biopic.

• Lindsay Lohan upped her trash-ante by appearing in Playboy this week. Unfortunately the leaked spreads were deemed not smutty enough by the Internet.

• Tom Cruise announced a sequel to Top Gun. Goose is still dead.

• Trainspotting director Danny Boyle and musicians Underworld are reuniting to curate the 2012 London Olympics opening ceremonies. Hopefully athletes won't be required to enter the stadium through a filthy toilet.

• The Beastie Boys, Guns N’ Roses and the Red Hot Chili Peppers were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame setting up the mother of all after parties. Rod Stewart and Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood were also inducted a second time as members of the band Small Faces/the Faces to explain the hoochie coochie to the younger delegates.

• Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane when he refused to end a riveting game of Word with Friends by turning off all electronic devices in preparation for takeoff. Baldwin later tweeted that the flight attendants behaved like retired Catholic school gym teachers before discontinuing his Twitter account.

• Michael Bay agreed to direct Transformers 4, delving further into the series’ mythology. In this installment, good robots will again fight with evil robots while Shia LaBeouf and an unspecified lady-love interest get progressively dirtier.

• Adele’s tour rider was unearthed and featured such telling items as a pack of cigarettes and an aversion to citrus and chardonnay.

• Celebrities overran Miami’s annual Art Basel festival. The glitterati crashed parties, freeloaded and generally upstaged the artists at the event.

• Yoko Ono and the Flaming Lips recorded the scariest Christmas song ever.

• The Superbowl finally recovered from the Great Wardrobe Malfunction of 2007 and hired Madonna to perform. Now they’ll only have to worry about her latest collaborators Nicki Minaj, who Madge made out with this week, and MIA, who left us with this indelible image following her performance at the 2009 Grammys:

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